This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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