Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
