I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
