he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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