I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
