I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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