I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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