Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
