Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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