the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
