Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
