last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize