I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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