How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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