Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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