Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
