i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
