I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize