i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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