Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
