omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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