summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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