I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
