i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
