I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
