And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
