Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
