Heybabeimwearingurpanties
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
