Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
