I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
