May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
