yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
