Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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