You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
