don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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