I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
