I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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