This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
