You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
