Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
