Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
