dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
