Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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