My sheets look like a crime scene.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
