Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm jealous of your bromance
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
