I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
