dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
