so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
