Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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