R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
