shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
