i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
