I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
