Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
