I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
