Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
