M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
