then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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