My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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