1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
