i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
