im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
