I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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