Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's always time for handjobs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
