Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
