I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So many bounce houses so little time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
